I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
Randomize
