can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
Randomize
