I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
Randomize
