your thong is hanging out like whoa
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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