my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
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She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
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The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
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