just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
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