i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
Randomize
