I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
I forgot how hot balto sounded
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
Randomize
