I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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