respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
