Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
