my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
You should frame my arrest warrant.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
