i always forget guys have bellybuttons
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
