Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
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