yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
