$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
Randomize
