pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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