the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
Randomize
