I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
Sober January is a disaster.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Randomize
