Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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