If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
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