Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
