my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
