I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
Randomize
