New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
Randomize
