It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
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