she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
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