we're blogging at a bar
ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
