Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
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