i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Randomize
