Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
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