i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
