A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
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