at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
