I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
