Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
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