it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
The ass gains better be worth it
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