I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
Actions speak louder than pants.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
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