just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
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