so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
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He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
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He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Randomize