I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
17 Women That Lost Condoms Up Their Lady Parts
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
23 People Confess The Most F*cked Up Thing Guests Have Done In Their House
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.