The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
Me, myself and I
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.