Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
we made out on top of his cat.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
Randomize
