apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
23 Adults Confess The Irrational Fears They Had When They Were Kids
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
These 25 Women First Experienced Sexual Harassment At A Shocking Age
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed