I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
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