my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
