My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Randomize
