I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
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