Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Randomize
