and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
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