when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
Randomize
