dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
Randomize
