Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
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