to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
porn star boner night. come get it.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
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