OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
