Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
