She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Randomize
