dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Randomize
