i just wanna soil my oats bro
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Randomize
