There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
Randomize
