So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
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