I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
