Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
