i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
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