I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
you told grandpa to call you daddy
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
