At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
Pants are for mortals
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Randomize
