i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
There's even glitter on my cock...
Randomize
