i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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