my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
