I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
