What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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