i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
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