i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Randomize
