Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
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