She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
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