No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
