guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
