so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
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