Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Randomize
