did you get engaged???
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
