Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
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I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
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Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
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