That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Randomize
