just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize