tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
