found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
Life is so much better after having sex.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
