I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Randomize
