just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
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